Who’s It For?
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Tanto This! GIANT Cold Steel Knife
CHECK IT OUTThis ain’t your grandma’s butter knife! The Cold Steel GI Tanto is seven inches of pure, dependable slicing power. Camping? Hunting? Opening that *really* stubborn pickle jar? This bad boy handles it all. Prepare to be amazed (and maybe slightly terrified).
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Goatee Goals: Achieve Peak Facial Fuzz Perfection (with a Template!)
$24.99 Buy at Amazon.comBehold, the Goatee Shaving Template! Tired of goatee disasters? This ain’t your grandpappy’s beard trimmer. Achieve majestic goatee greatness, bathroom-based. Prepare for perfectly sculpted chin fluff. (No goats were harmed in the making of this product… probably.)
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Robot Apocalypse? Nah, Just Gutter Cleaning.
CHECK IT OUTTired of gutter grime giving you the heebie-jeebies? The iRobot Looj is your new best friend (don’t tell your actual friends). This tiny robot tackles the dirty work, leaving you free for more important things…like napping. Remote control included (because robots need supervision, obviously).
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Brand Your Beef: Personalized BBQ Branding Iron!
CHECK IT OUTDeclare your culinary dominance! This personalized BBQ branding iron lets you sear your signature (literally!) onto every burger, steak, or surprisingly, pineapple. Because who needs a signature when you can have a *sizzling* signature? Get yours before it’s all… charred.
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Foam Fury: Unleash the Car Wash Cannon!
$49.99 Buy at Amazon.comForget boring car washes! Unleash the fury of a thousand fluffy bunnies (okay, maybe just a lot of foam) with our Foam Cannon Car Wash Blaster. It’s like a spa day for your car, but way less expensive than actual therapy. Get ready for the cleanest, shiniest ride on the block!
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Stogie in a Globe? Mind. Blown.
CHECK IT OUTKeep your stogie AND your drink in hand! This cigar-holding glass is the sophisticated solution for the multi-tasking smoker. Finally, hydration doesn’t require a perilous cigar-laying-down ceremony. Pure genius (and a great conversation starter!).
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Stick Your Face on EVERYTHING! (Personalized Stickers)
CHECK IT OUTTired of boring mugs and toasters? Slap your gorgeous face all over everything! These personalized face stickers are microwave & dishwasher safe – yes, REALLY. Prepare for a world where *everything* screams “It’s me!” (in high-quality matte vinyl, naturally).
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Snap Happy: Polaroid Now+ i-Type — Instant Awesome!
$119.99 Buy at Amazon.comInstant photos? *Instantly* awesome. The Polaroid Now+ isn’t just a camera; it’s a portal to creativity unleashed! Tripod mode? Check. Five lens filters? Double check. Prepare for picture-perfect pandemonium. Click now, regret nothing.
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Sale!
Cabin Fever? Cure It With This Book (Porn-tastic Views Included!)
Original price was: $37.50.$23.08Current price is: $23.08. Buy at Amazon.comEscape the chaos! This Cabin Porn book isn’t just a book, it’s a portal. One minute you’re battling emails, the next you’re nestled in a whimsical woodland cabin, sipping imaginary hot cocoa. Consider your inner zen achieved. (Side effect: may spontaneously crave a log cabin.)
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Is That a Planet… or My New Fire Pit?
CHECK IT OUTIs your backyard lacking a fiery apocalypse? These Earth-shaped fire pits, hand-cut from carbon steel and coated in fiery iron oxide, are the answer! Prepare for backyard bonfires that are seriously out of this world (literally).
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Wallet-Sized Ruler? It’s a Scale-y Situation!
$12.95 Buy at Amazon.comDitch the dusty textbooks, engineers! The Pocket Engineer is your new best friend – a credit card-sized brain boost. Equations? Conversions? *POOF* Gone. Now go build something amazing (or at least, pass your next exam).
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Bang! Your Pleasure, Redefined.
$14.95 Buy at Amazon.comUnleash your inner maestro! “Bang!” isn’t just a sound, it’s a guide to self-pleasure so good, you’ll be composing symphonies of sensation. Forget sheet music; this manual’s all about hitting the right notes (and… other things). Get ready to conduct your own personal orchestra of ecstasy!
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Alexa, Drive Me Crazy (In a Good Way!)
$49.99 Buy at Amazon.comAlexa, are we there yet? No? Blast some tunes then! Transform your car into a rolling smart-home with Amazon Echo Auto. Hands-free calls, music, and even smart home control – all while keeping your eyes on the road (mostly). Because who needs a co-pilot when you have Alexa?
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Hangin’ Loose (and Heavy): A Weighty Matter
CHECK IT OUTUnleash your inner superhero (down there!). This Penis Weight Hanger isn’t just a workout buddy; it’s a testament to your unwavering commitment to… well, let’s just say *strength*. Add weight, conquer gravity, and impress yourself. (Disclaimer: May not actually make you tougher, but it’ll be a hell of a story.)
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Color Outside the Lines (and Maybe Reality)
$6.99 Buy at Amazon.comAdulting’s a b*tch? Unleash your inner Zen with “Random Fuckery,” the coloring book that’s anything BUT random. Mandalas? Check. Explicit quotes? Double check. Stress relief? Triple check. Warning: May spontaneously induce giggles.
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Beer-y Good Briefcase: Carry Your Brews in Style (and Surprise Your Friends!)
$58.00 Buy at Amazon.comShhh…it’s a briefcase! (But secretly, it’s a beer-smuggling masterpiece.) Six frosty friends await inside this executive-looking hideaway. Impress clients *or* yourself. Because adulting is hard, and beer helps.
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Dashcam: Your Car’s New Best (and Most Judgemental) Friend
CHECK IT OUTAccident? Don’t get played! This tiny dashboard camera is your new best friend. It’s like a tiny, watchful eye, silently recording all the drama (and avoiding insurance shenanigans). Because sometimes, seeing is believing (and winning!).
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Sale!
Big Questions? Mini Answers! (Whoa.)
Original price was: $28.00.$5.89Current price is: $5.89. Buy at Amazon.comHawking’s posthumous ponderings: Big questions? Check. Mind-bending theories? Check. A chance to finally understand the universe (or at least pretend to)? Double check! Grab your copy before the cosmos runs out!
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Cozy Toes? Microwaveable Slipper-ific!
$29.99 Buy at Amazon.comEscape the winter chill with these outrageously fluffy, microwaveable slippers! Prepare for pure, blissful toasty-toe ecstasy. Warning: May cause spontaneous naps and uncontrollable giggling. Slip into happiness (literally!).
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Germ-Zapping Death Ray (aka UV Sanitizing Box)
$39.99 Buy at Amazon.comGermaphobe? OCD tendencies? Just really, *really* hate germs? Then bask in the glorious, germ-killing rays of our UV Sanitizing Box! Zap those nasties and achieve peak clean – it’s like a tiny, judgmental sun for your stuff.